Just My Money Journey, Honey

I'm 18 from southern california, recently went on a trip to israel. arabs and jews live together peacefully in the majority of the country... everything is so overblown in the media. i'm jewish and i hung out with other arabic teenagers all the time. there's nothing different, our religions come from the same patriarch... you should have no reason to not like jewish people. also, how can you just "unlike" an entire religion of people, that's hundreds of thousands of people you've never even met

Fri, 24 May 2013 16:21:30 +0800

(continue) sorry but also on the topic of the israelli government… israel is the only democracy in the middle east… any arab or jew for that matter is going to have a significantly higher standard of living if they’re in israel versus any of it’s surrounding countries (all arabic), and they will certainly have more job opportunities. the government also happens to accept thousands of arabic refugees every year… so your dislike for it seems somewhat ignorant

Please read newer updates. I’m not as ignorant now :) You seem to have stories to share, care to? Would love to find out more.

You are being anti-semitic, because being a bigot means disliking a whole people based on a government. Tell me, do you find it really easy to dislike Chinese people because of their government? How about Iranians? You're singling out the Jews based on politics the vast majority have no control over and, oh, three Jews you met with a biased opinion already in your head. You're a bigot, straight and simple.

Fri, 24 May 2013 13:40:43 +0800

Maybe I am, maybe I’m not, but the important thing is that I don’t want to be discriminatory to any races, religions, sexual orientations, genders, ect. Check the blog.

Now that I find out that what I said was considered offensive, I want to change so that I don’t offend anyone. Would you help by giving suggestions on what would be antisemitic or not if all I wanted to discuss about is the Israeli government, please?

you're kind of a horrible anti-semite

Fri, 24 May 2013 13:08:35 +0800

I’ve since learnt that jews (race) =/= israeli government, and that not all jews (wither they’re living in Israel or elsewhere) support what the israeli government is doing. So now I wish to clarify that do not like what the Israeli government are doing.

I don’t want to be anti-semitic. My issues are political, not racial (if it appears to be racial, I apologize).

There's an old sang, "2 Jews, 3 opinions." We are a widely diverse people. Most do believe in Zionism in some form or another but that word doesn't mean what you think it does and certainly does not imply inherent support for the state of Israel. There are several blogs on tumblr like thearcanetheory (check out the post wtf is Zionism bro) and this-is-not-Jewish (look up how to criticize Israel without being antisemetic and read the rest to see examples of antisemitism) and zaatarwitholives

Fri, 24 May 2013 12:26:11 +0800

Looking it up :)

(I’m not sure if you’re the same anon or if you’re a different one but here’s a big thanks in case I haven’t thanked you properly yet)

Here's the thing, you titled your post "Random thoughts on Jews" so you did hold all Jewish people responsible for the actions of the Israeli government when it's not even fair to hold all Israelis reponsible for the actions of their government. This is a big part of why people are calling you antisemetic. I think it's probable that you hold many antisemetic beliefs, but I respect that you are trying to address that.

Fri, 24 May 2013 12:20:00 +0800

And I respect you for giving me a straight answer.

I don’t know whether to make another post to share what I’ve learnt in this short time, because that might ignite more hate (I probably contributed to that with my wording), and hate talks are not ‘discussions’, is it? I really do want to learn more, though.

Anyhow, bless you, sir/madam, in whichever religion (or none) that you hold.

being jewish and being israeli are not interchangeable. please know who and what you're talking about before making generalized statements

Fri, 24 May 2013 12:04:33 +0800

I’m sorry, that was a mistake on my part.

To all out there who were offended by this jew=israel implication, I humbly apologize.

But it doesn’t address the issue, though. Can someone please tell me how do Jews around the world view Israel? Do many support, do many oppose, do they remain on the fence, or unbothered by what’s going on?

I am Jewish. I am not Israeli. I literally have zero control over the deeply messed up desicions the Israeli government makes because I don't get to vote in their elections. I could change that by moving their and claiming claiming citizenship and joining the IDF. Tell me, would you like me better then?

Fri, 24 May 2013 11:43:00 +0800

(continued) (It’s also worth noting that the people in power like Netanyahu are not in power because the majority of Israelis voted for them, they didn’t, but rather because of the way the system works)

Apologies if it felt like I’m associating all Jews with the Israeli government. It’s not, and I should have made that clearer. Tell me your experiences. Tell me how the system works. I live in Malaysia, and we don’t recognize Israel as a state. We know Israel mostly from the accounts of Palestinians we welcome here. So tell me more. How does the system work? Why does it work that way?

Random thoughts: the Jews

Fri, 24 May 2013 11:08:00 +0800

I feel obligated to add a disclaimer here that as much as I try to write this through completely non-prejudiced eyes, I was born and raised a Muslim in a Muslim country.

People are people. They’re always nice…. if they have what they want. Or in the power to get what they want. I for one can admit that I’m not that nice when all I want is some food or sleep.

I’ve met 3 Jews while traveling. They weren’t the best example, unfortunately. They were loud, unrespectful, selfish, and pretty shallow. (I need to make friends with nicer ones, I guess). I don’t want to stereotype a whole race. I can’t. As much as I am different from the next Muslim woman, I’m very sure Jews/Israelis come with different backgrounds as well. If given the chance, I might have a best friend/lover from there, even.

But damn, it’s hard to just not… dislike… (I’m choosing my words carefully here) Jews as a race. Or rather, the unfair policies and politics currently implemented in Israel that affects how they (as a general population) treat the people they deem ‘inferior’. Stealing land from the Palestinians? DESTROYING crops? Fucking sterilizing people? Seperate bus lines for the Israelis and Palestinians, even? That’s aside from the whole, oh, killing thousands of people already. Never mind that. There’s many more examples of Israel denying basic human dignity to other persons simply because they are not… Jew.

I’m adult enough to realize that ‘why can’t we all be friends’ argument is immature and naive. Instead, I’m going to change that to … why do we have to be enemies?

(Edit:

I’m already receiving some hate over this post. Accused of being anti Semitic. Please feel free to share your input. We probably live at different parts of the world. Share something with me, tell me if I’m right, or wrong, and how you get to the conclusion. Make me change my mind.)

Edit #2: I thought of amending the post above - especially the 4th paragraph) as I didn’t mean to make it a racial issue as opposed to a political one, but I left it as it is as it happened, and I learnt from comments about how that can be viewed as anti semitism. Much thanks and apologies, especially to those who commented and messaged.

Goal making

Fri, 24 May 2013 08:51:59 +0800

Thinking of suitable goal is proving to be harder than I thought. I thought of traveling more. Well, that’s kind of underway, since I’m traveling to Cambodia in late June for 11 days. I We made a checklist of things we want to do while traveling that we don’t normally do back home, so there will be a seperate post for that :)

The goal making process itself was not linear. I never actually just sat down and went, look, here’s what you need to do. Everything is actually good and well right now, so I needed to think of something to make me a better person. Professionally, financially, emotionally.

Then I crossed out financial goals. I’m already doing that anyway. I’m on a pretty good track towards financial freedom, and balancing really well on work/life. I don’t want to, say, skimp any more or find a second job i order to increase my worth. I’m genuinely happy with what I’m making and how I use up my salary (I regularly save 1/3 of it).

Well, then, said my brain. Maybe you should tackle that problem. That problem that you even convinced yourself that it doesn’t even exist. It exists, and you want a goal, so suck it up.

Make more friends at work.

Ah, that one, I hear myself silently agreed. I have a few friends here, but no good friends, most are colleagues. One girl never even say hi to me (she pretends I’m not here most of the time, I really have no idea why).

This is an interesting challenge in itself, because I pride myself on finishing my work every single day. I clock in at 8, and (usually) by 5pm, I’m out of the door. Most people chat and go lunch. I sit at my desk and finish my work. Most people have WIPs (Works in Progress), I don’t. I have no backlog. And my supervisors are noticing.

I’m not going to change how I work. Heck no. But I will make more effort to be nicer, to actually chat to people, instead of just rushing off.

& ella said...: I KNOW IT'S SUMMER BECAUSE I GOT CATCALLED.

Thu, 23 May 2013 18:45:15 +0800

& ella said...: I KNOW IT'S SUMMER BECAUSE I GOT CATCALLED.:

andellasaid:

Because it’s hot out in the city, and when it gets hot, it becomes humid, and the heat descends on the buildings and has nowhere to go and everyone begins to dream of that breeze that comes with the woosh of the subway when it enters the station and women wear sundresses, but women who have…

Paid all my credit card bills

Wed, 22 May 2013 12:27:07 +0800

I have RM3.19 in my bank account. Yelp!

There’s still quite a bit of cash on me, so that needs to be transferred ASAP. I hate seeing the low number. I just feel poor, even though I know that I’m not. Salary will come in. Housemates will pay rent. Next week I’m easily RM4000++ richer. I just have to stay put and calm down now.

I *could* exchange back my gold investment for money, but I have lost RM100 so far (or 11.5% out of my total investment … in a span of a month). If I really *need* to, I will change it. But for now lets just leave it there first. You know. Just in case. On the other hand, if I had more money for investment, I’d totally buy more gold. It’s super cheap now :/

Still thinking of a suitable goal. I guess, in a way, my goal is to find a goal. Ha!

I am a LGBTQ* Muslim, and I have the right to exist.

Wed, 22 May 2013 08:13:03 +0800

So used to not wanting anything I don't 'need'...

Tue, 21 May 2013 12:00:29 +0800

That I’m finding trouble figuring out my own hobby.

Aside from finances, what ARE my hobbies? I don’t know. I’m not really interested in music aside from listening to it from the radio. I like books, but I seem to have lost interest in fiction books, I’d rather read Rich Dad Poor Dad anyday over, say, Life of Pi. I don’t watch tv. I browse Tumblr (and follow adventures of other money-saving folks out there), and news. When I’m bored, I depend on my girlfriend for company and lols.

All these begs the question: what am I truly passionate about, if money is out of the picture? Did being extremely practical about money made me forget about my actual life passion(s)? Or am I at just at that point of time when everything is alright and I already have everything I need to be emotionally and financially satisfied.

I need a goal. Something to work towards to. Yes, I think that’s what lacking in my life. I have no goal. I already hit all my past goals. Yet as an imperfect human, I can’t be expected to remain happy all the time. I need to work for something.

I just need to find out what it is.

I swear, Tumblr makes me write out my feelings and I always end up figuring myself out as I type. Okay. Off to think of goals now.

Of wanting 'nice things' or lack thereof

Mon, 20 May 2013 12:00:45 +0800

Being frugal is an interesting state of mind. You find yourself treasuring items more, because you have less of it. You find that yes, it is possible to live without that new shoes/accessories/whatever. You find that your home is more clutter-free. Most importantly, you simply find that you just don’t need new shit just for the sake of it.

I remember that I was a brat, growing up. I’d sulk if I were to return home from shopping and didn’t get anything. I’ve been practicing the frugal life for most of my adult years (maybe 4 years?), and I am STILL reusing junk I collected since when I was a kid.

I was shopping with my best friend yesterday. I ran out of MAC concealer, the only ‘branded’ cosmetic item I allow myself to buy. It runs out maybe once a year, maybe more, so its alright. My best friend is a doctor, and she makes good money. Good for her, but there’s a trade-off that she frequently complain about - time. Anyway, in 1 hour she bought herself RM280 worth of stuff. I even stopped her from buying a RM180 dress I knew she wouldn’t wear. It’s crazy. Then I realized, it seems crazy to me. Because I’m used to using and reusing and making do with what I have, the very idea of getting another pair of shoes when I still have more than one functional pair is unthinkable. I like pretty things, but I don’t need them, therefore I don’t buy them. For other people, like my best friend, getting pretty things makes her happy, and she’s financially secure (I made sure we had the talk!), so she does what she wants with her money. And that’s okay.

I realized something else. I now find myself feeling extremely good about myself whenever I get to finish using something off. Whether using a pair of sandals until it tore, or using the very last bit of a food item before it spoils, it doesn’t matter, it makes me very happy. It’s great that my happiness no longer depends on acquiring new items, you know? It’s kind of funny that I’m trying to describe this feeling - it’s part accomplishment, part proud of myself, part happy knowing that the item itself had served its purpose in this world, instead of being chucked in a closet and/or thrown away.

I am currently sitting in my childhood room. There’s so much… junk. Not junk in the trash sense, more like, functional items that we can’t possibly use up. There’s like 10 glasses case in that box over there, and an empty magazine holder on the table, and two clothes rack, and goodness how many clothes. Its ridiculous! I don’t want it, because it’ll just clutter my house. But I don’t want to throw it away either. I guess it’ll have to sit here a while longer. Someday I’ll do a ‘shopping trip’ in my old room and reuse these stuff.

tl;dr? I like stuff, but I don’t need stuff, therefore I don’t want new stuff. I like using up my old stuff.

Update of that gold investment.

Sun, 19 May 2013 19:36:40 +0800

I bought 6 grams of gold at RM147 per gram. It now sells for about RM132ish a gram. I lost money there (about RM90, or about 10%), but here’s hoping the price will go up again. I’m also hoping, though, that the price will remain the same until next week, when I get my salary. The current gold price is ridiculously low. I should stock up for long-term investment. About 1.5 years ago, it was RM200 a gram! I cashed out my gold investment last time and made a pretty sum, pretty good considering that it was small-scale investing.

Emotionally, I’m optimistic. It’s a stupid emotion; logically I know that it’s pretty passive and useless when it comes to investing. Rationally, I should cut my losses and move on. It turns out that buying gold is like the training version of buying stock. For anyone interested in stock-buying, but don’t know what kind of investor you’ll be, I would totally recommend trying out buying gold in small quantities. You’ll learn loads about your investing mindset, good and bad.

Want a baby, not a husband

Fri, 17 May 2013 12:53:19 +0800

I had a vivid dream last night. It’s been more than a few hours since waking up and actually recording it, so I’m sure I’ve forgotten a few more details, but here’s what I remember:

I remember wanting to continue studies. I’m a Masters graduate, so I was looking for places offering PhD courses. What course, I don’t know, can’t remember. But I remember deciding on a school that’s uphill.

I remember holding a newborn baby boy in my arms. I remember feeling a lot of love towards it. I remember thinking of my being a proud, husband-less mother. I remember the child’s name is Daniel, and I remember how I called him Damy (not Dany). I remember thinking how perfect the name suits him and how happy I am.

I remember being in a registration queue. I remember it being at the school, and that my best friend brought me there. I remember thinking of my baby while in the queue. I remember finally being served by the officer and I have to pay RM80 each for myself and for the baby. I remember not having enough money to pay for both so I opt to pay for the baby. I remember thinking, but, didn’t you self-proclaimed yourself selfish? Why’d you pay for your son? Pay for yourself! You’re the one going to the school! Then I remember how much I love my son, and paying for him first just seemed natural.

I woke up and remembered some more bits and pieces, and I told my girlfriend about it. Well, she was still sleepy, so I doubt she remembered me telling her. And then on the drive to work I psycho analyzed myself. I *know* that I won’t break up with her just to be in a socially acceptable family unit. I *know* that I need a husband as much as I need a drill machine. On the other hand, I also know that I’m not ready to become a mother, regardless of the situation, as I’m still enjoying my youth. I just turned 25. It’s career time, not baby time.

But the baby. Damy. His name feels so right. In my dream, he looked so newborn, so fragile, wrapped in white cloth, sleeping in my arms.

Oh Damy.

nevver: Happiness vs. Money

Tue, 14 May 2013 10:57:10 +0800

nevver:

Happiness vs. Money

Family, Money, and Guilt

Mon, 13 May 2013 14:15:06 +0800

incinnarate:

A personal response to this entry by themoneyjourneyandshit.

I moved out of my parents’ home two years ago. After spending four or five months in a state of depression, I made a therapy appointment and began the laborious process of making positive changes in my life. But my parents have not tried to alter their habits, and without the “dutiful eldest daughter” to help out, they’ve gotten worse. In the past year, they’ve filed bankruptcy, and their home and emotional states have dwindled into a cesspit of decay and depression. I did most of the housework when I lived there and I helped out with money when I could. Now that I’m on my own, living off a part-time grad assistant paycheck, I’m better off than I was living with two working-class people who either can’t or won’t budget. [BTW, I’ve posted something similar before, here]

I’ve always had a tendency to view my father as the “bad guy.” My mom was very ill for a year or so when I was in high school, and in that time he took over paying the bills because my mom had taken care of all that before. When she got better and wanted some say in how the household funds were managed, he became bitter and dumped the whole load onto her again. But he still spent whatever he wanted without thought, and most of it on junk food and tobacco. My father’s close to 400 lbs, and eats in his sleep without realizing it, so a $300 grocery load that should last two weeks is gone in three or four days.

My childhood was precisely that pattern. We’d have groceries for a few days, but by the end of the first week, we’d have nothing in the house. I remember getting off the school bus in the afternoons and stuffing myself full of crackers and Dr. Pepper until my parents got paid again days later and could bring in groceries. Then we binge ate for days until we had nothing again. This cycle has been a keen influence on my family’s weight and money problems, and it’s destructive.

We tend to think that hunger is skeletal, abuse is black-and-blue, and that neglect means distance. I’ve learned that these are fictive assumptions that prevent us from dealing with more common and insidious manifestations of those three tiers of hurt.

But back to Mom. She wasn’t the same after her illness and depression/anxiety symptoms present her whole life became much, much worse. She began buying frivolous things we couldn’t afford, moreso than ever before. She maxed out several credit cards and our electricity and phones were cut off a few times. We couldn’t pay the mortgage. Meanwhile, our sewage system was emptying into our back yard, the ceiling the NE side of the house was caving in, and that fancy furniture Mom bought to populate our dilapidating home was collapsing under careless treatment and the excessive weight of my family. I began to see that it wasn’t just Dad, it was never just Dad.

I’ve had to accept that as damaging as my dad’s behavior is, a household’s problems are never caused by one member. Everyone contributes, even if that contribution is a negligence to change. In my family’s case, my mom feels bitter and victimized by my dad, so she gets her petty revenge by outspending him. Then she feels guilty and tries to get the budget together. When my dad stops adhering to it, or she gets down, she blows it. This cycle only reinforces my dad’s bad behavior.

I’m not trying to blame my mom or my dad more than the other. But their actions do not exist in a vacuum, and I am not excluded from the nexus of dysfunction. When I lived with them, my actions also contributed to the bad feelings. I enabled them. In some ways, I still do.

When I first moved away, I had trouble distancing myself from that former “fix it” role. I’d visit for a weekend and spend the entirety of a day cleaning the house to make myself feel better. Then I’d feel angry and miserable for days after without knowing why. Eventually, I stopped cleaning when I came home. Then I stopped visiting as often. Now, I’m torn between missing them and wanting to never be in that house again. It’s tough, and I still don’t know what the fuck I’m doing. I’m still trying to figure it out.

But most relevant to your entry:

I’ve had to accept that I cannot change my family, and help is a tricky concept. The hardest part of that is learning that I do not have to feel guilty for choosing NOT to try and “help” in overt ways. Even if I intellectually understand that I can do little to alleviate their problems, I still struggle with empathy and desire to make it better. I hurt for them. I hate to see what they’re living through, but I’m trying to accept that if my mom wants to alter her living conditions, if my dad hopes for a different life, then they will do the following:

They will take action.

They will ask for help in taking action.

I’ve learned that trying to help others without being asked can lead to unfavorable results. My new philosophy is as follows: if they ask for something of me, then I am in a position to choose to either comply or refuse. And I can pick either one without guilt, so long as my decision is free-standing and I feel good about it. I can say no. I can also say yes, but that one’s harder for me because I’ve felt pressure from some of my confidants to sever ties completely. But it is my choice. And if I am not asked to help out, then I don’t have to feel guilty for not offering.

Anyway. I wanted to say that you can love your family and be angry with them. You can feel outraged for your mom and bitter toward your dad. And these feelings don’t make you a bad person. They make you someone who wants to do well for herself who simultaneously has the compassion and intellect to feel conflicted about very complicated and sad circumstances.

And you’re not alone.

“When I first moved away, I had trouble distancing myself from that former “fix it” role. I’d visit for a weekend and spend the entirety of a day cleaning the house to make myself feel better. Then I’d feel angry and miserable for days after without knowing why. Eventually, I stopped cleaning when I came home. Then I stopped visiting as often. Now, I’m torn between missing them and wanting to never be in that house again. It’s tough, and I still don’t know what the fuck I’m doing. I’m still trying to figure it out.”

I bolded this part of the paragraph. How do you manage to summarize everything I’m feeling? In my house, it’s women= housecleaners. Dad and the boys don’t clean, even for their own messes. Their laundry. Their dishes. Their fucking cigarette ashes in the fucking ashtray, bought by mom’s money. The bitterness that I feel when I’m trying to break away from that cultural and gender stereotype yet doing it anyway just because I don’t want mom to end up doing it.

I’ve mentioned here time and time again about how I love personal finance and saving and investing but never actually having goals of what to do with it.

I guess I just never, ever want to be in the position to move back home.

Thank you, incinnarate, for this. It’s hard to not feel guilty,

And to rainpetals, hey, I tried that. Told mom that what she’s doing, giving her bankcard to dad without any limitation on what he spends is stupid (I didn’t put it that bluntly, of course), but she refused to elaborate more on it, for her it’s better to be the sweet, agreeable wife.

Father angst

Sat, 11 May 2013 22:39:19 +0800

Everytime I go back home to my parents’ house, I get a rude jolt to reality. Every single fucking time.

Dad’s been mooching off mom. Dad’s been jobless for a while, and yeah, while he himself has been down and depressed about it, is that reason enough, though, to go golfing every single damn day?

Mom said that she gave dad her bankcard, linked to her account where her salary’s banked in, to make him feel like ‘the man of the house’. What shit is that?? She admits that she even feels awkward asking money from dad, which is her own money really. She now relies on him giving her money.

Mom told me that she supports the whole family, minus me, and that her whole paycheck is used up monthly to pay bills and stuff. She is not saving for retirement anymore.

Fucked up. Just fucked up.

I won’t say that I hate my dad yet, but at this point, I intensely dislike him. He doesn’t do housework (ok, the laundry maybe, but the job’s pretty shitty), doesn’t cook. He buys groceries BUT expects mom to cook what he feels like eating. He’s not even handy with fixing stuff. Its routine for us to call the plumber or technician to fix stuff (he won’t even sort THAT out!). The funniest thing is, he’s an engineer. He studied this shit!

I’m at my grandmother’s house currently. Its routine for dad to just sit around doing nothing. Sit outside, smoke, drink tea/coffee (which he asks mom to make). Normally, his contributions are buying stuff for the house. Now that he has no money, it has decreased, thankfully. I know that he’s uncomfortable with me sitting outside too, because HA! usually the women only stay inside.

I was talking to my sister, and she told me more stuff about the current financial situation. They’re struggling, money’s tight, mom’s the only worker. My two brothers are useless. They live rent free and eat free food from the house. They even ask extra pocket money from mom. My sisters sustain themselves from their own online business. I’m very proud of them. They haven’t asked money from mom in a while.

On one hand, part of me is like, be a good daughter, give money to the house, help lessen your mom’s load (and if I were to do it for her sake, and for her sake only!). The other part is, it won’t help. Its the rubber band effect. However much I’ll help, it won’t make a difference, dad will just use up the extra money anyway. I’m better off stashing money for myself and only using it when mom really gets in trouble next time. In the meantime, I help pay for her petrol (for her car only), or treat her to lunch/personal items she wants anyway to make her happy. Goodness knows she deserves it.

I mean, I’m doing the right thing, right? Right?

Tumblr people, please help my conscience..

Just spent about 30 minutes to Maxis to drop unfair charges

Fri, 10 May 2013 19:40:00 +0800

Maxis is an internet service provider. The services were good, the policies were not.

I was slapped with two extra RM10 ‘deactivation’ charges for:

Going over the RM300 limit (we were not told of this!), and
Requesting to pay by the end of the week, but instead were given only one day to pay.

That was frustrating. I spoke to at least 6 customer service officers. The best was an officer called Amy. She sorted me out, and was very, very pleasant to talk to. Somebody called Dinesh sucked, he was sarcastic. Someone called ‘Anis’ put me on hold for so fucking long.

I checked online, so many people were faced similar issues.

Consumers have rights. They didn’t honor the below.

The right to choose
The right to safety
The right to be informed
The right to be heard
The right to redress or remedy
The right to environmental health
The right to service
The right to consumer education

So yeah. Avoid Maxis if you can help it.